Empowerment, Personal Growth, Self Esteem, Self Improvement, Success

Dealing With Rejection After a Breakup

“The beginning of the adventure to find yourself is to lose your way.

-Joseph Campbell

Ah, the bitter taste of being rejected by someone you love. There is nothing quite like it. There is nothing that will leave you reeling with thoughts of self-doubt, second guessing yourself, low self esteem and unanswered questions that pound your brain. You thought you were hard on yourself before; well, just have someone validate your low opinion of yourself by rejecting you and see what you think then.

Of course even the confident, self assured type get knocked off their feet when a partner rejects them. Then add to the mix the way in which you were left. Cheated on? Lied to? Or, just cold turkey with no signs and no goodbyes? Or, you may be one of the lucky ones whose partner had some integrity and was honorable enough to tell you face to face.

Regardless of who you are and how it happens, it NEVER feels good. It will make you question who you are and who you aren’t. It will make you wonder what you did wrong and why you weren’t good enough. It may even make you think that if they didn’t want you, who will?

Depending on the length of your relationship will also play into depth of your pain. So how do you deal with these rotten feelings, get over them, and move on with your life? How do you get your head back on straight and love and respect yourself again? What do you say to yourself to make it okay?

There are several things you can do to pick up the pieces of your shattered ego and begin to believe in yourself and your future again.

First you have to realize even though you may not believe it now, you WILL get over this. Keep in mind that it’s up to you as to how soon or how long it will take. Remember in the past when you hurt someone or when you were hurt by someone? Did you or they get over it or are you still pining away for that lost love years later? Or did you or they move on with their lives and have a good life despite the temporary setback?

Next you have to know that you are no less of a person because someone walked out on you. You are still the same wonderful person and still have all of the great qualities that everyone else still admires in you. Get it out of your head that there is something wrong with you because that’s a lie.

Let’s say you are a great cook and you’ve been rejected. Does your food not taste the same? Or, maybe you speak another language? Did you lose that ability now that Mr./Mrs. Wonderful walked out of your life? Or, does whatever you were good at before suddenly disappear because some person disappeared from your life?

No, of course not, the only thing that is different is your belief in yourself and your ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Each day you have to learn to switch your focus from the blame, hate, guilt, fear, jealousy and all of other negativity that is eating you alive. Learn how to have conversations with yourself that will lift you up not drag you down. Let yourself know that just because things didn’t work out the way you wanted, doesn’t mean your life is over. Your life with this particular person may be over, but there is a whole world out there waiting for you to embrace it and start living again.

The key is to talk yourself into loving yourself again even when someone you love changed their mind. The other key is to learn how to change your thoughts. It’s the single one factor that will determine whether you stay stuck or move on.

Do not rehearse in your mind all of the what-if’s and if-only’s. Do not picture them having a great life without you. Do not envision them laughing and loving someone else. Do not keep telling yourself it’s so unfair that they are going on with their life while you are in so much pain. If you do, don’t expect to heal. Expect to feel worse.

Dealing with all of the emotions that go along with rejection are normal reactions. You have to travel down that road before you can heal, but if you never exit off that path and don’t change directions you will find yourself on the road to nowhere.

When you dwell you live in hell. But, if you change your mind, you’ll be just fine. It’s your choice. Remember, the best revenge is to go on to live a great life.

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